Directly being directed in the right direction.

I guess I’m impatient. I didn’t really realize that before.
But I think I had been for good reason. A couple of days after being here and a couple of days before starting work, I was starting to feel something foreign. Depression? Anxiety? I don’t know. Cause I don’t feel those things. But I didn’t like it. I needed a bike. I need a home. And I hadn’t started to work so I was in this weird wading period.
But I started to work. And I got a bike.
And guys, I really, really like it.

It seems like the staff is rockin and nothing less then kick ass at the shelter. Most people have been there for several years which is a good sign. Everyone is fun and welcoming, the girl training me is super chill and is making me feel very comfortable. I just love looking around at all of us being the ones that handle these angry, scared, hyper active, sweet and loving dogs.
The shelter is ran wonderfully with things that other shelters thought I was crazy for asking for. Ex: Quiet classical music playing through out the shelter. It’s calming for us but especially for the animals. A better disinfectant routine. I’ve worked with people who use way to much bleach or next to none at all. But most of all, a no bullshit policy.  (My words not there’s)
At the time of employment there’s a ton of paper work that I had to go over and sign.
On that note I would like to say that everything said here on my Blaug  regarding the shelter is of my own experiences and my own personal opinions and is not of the shelters.
Although more then anything, I’m sure most negative things I would have to say would be about the fucking idiots that don’t understand what the word “humane” means and why it should be applied to ALL CREATURES.
Not just dogs and cats. Right now there is over 100 roosters. Today I got some cuddle time in with one of the most beautiful, snuggley and scared Guinnie Pigs I have ever met. There was rabbits when I first came and I have only been there for a week and seen some crazy things. And that is said lightly.
I’m back to shelter life y’all. Without a fucking doubt.
I can tell that I have been out of shelters for a while. I am having to find/create that numb place that is necessary for this line of work. I am hating people and loving animals more then ever. I’m sure that some of it has to do with new environment, lack of Hokmayen, no Steenie, whatever. But damn. Let me just say that it’s a good thing I am staying with my sister right now and don’t have a house cause I am feeling so much sadness for so many dogs right now and there’s one in particular that I have my eye one. She is a Pit/Sheppard mix. Beautiful markings. Brown and white. Not a big head. Giant smile. white face but two little black marks on each eyes. Center upper and lower eyelids. DOOOOOOOOOOD. I’m so in love. I need to get a picture.
And this is a dime a dozen and the beginning of a lifetime supply of love.
I have the best job ever. This is my life.
This. And biking.
It’s a 5.4 mile ride to work. Less then that .4 miles is a ferry ride. Yup. I bike, ferry, bike to work. So a little more then 10 miles of biking a day. I was thinking it was 8 miles. but I was wrong. Plus I’m on my feet in kennels for this month before going over to animal control so after a long bike ride, I work. Then after a long day of work, I bike home. I’m exhausted. My feet are sore. My ass is sore. I come home, shower, make dinner and lunch for the following day, check my email and pass the fuck out out.( Hence: the lag on this Blauhg.)
Note: I love it.
Yeah, I’m tired. And passing up on movie night with my sister and The Lady Lucerne but that’s okay. I’m in no hurry to do anything right now but work and once Hokdaddy is here, I’ll find my groove and be able to experience more of the city. But for now, I work. Happily.

I am very much looking forward to my future. As soon as I start in Animal Control, Hok will be here. We will move into a home that I will find us and all will be well. I am very much looking forward to our romantic experience together on this new adventure.
I can’t wait to share this town with him and all the other interesting characters that live here.

In the mean time, it’s sister time. It was long over due and it’s nice to have my big sister right now. And her closet.
Cuzya is keeping me occupied with freckled kitty kisses and has been acting so silly lately. He knows I eat that shit up.
Oh Cuzya.

It’s only taken me one week to write this.
I’m so tired.
So happy.
And so in love.
HOKMAAAAAAYEN!, HUUUUUUUUUUUURRY.

Home but not home.

I woke up early Friday morning. Before my alarm clock. I was laying in between Hok and Kreszin. They were still sleeping and I was wishing I was still sleeping too. I had gone to bed late the night before because I was up playing Super Mario Bro. with Shannon and D for the last time for a while.
I couldn’t go back to sleep though. My mind was already spinning with the reality of that being the last time I woke up in that room and the last time I was going to see Hok for a month. That made me sad.
But I was very excited.

Saying goodbye to friends and family in other states is odd. It’s almost treated like a death. Like it’s the last time we ever will talk or see each other. Which is silly considering that  1)It’s not. And 2)social media keeps us so damn connected that you know so much unnecessary shit about people that you don’t even know let alone all the people that you do know.
But it’s still sad, and hard, and nice to say things to people’s faces that is important for them to remember. I like to tell people all the time how special they are to me and how much I love them so I especially want to do it before I move. But of course then, it’s not always so easy.
I couldn’t do it with Shannon. So I wrote her a letter. That way all I had to do was kiss her and tell her I love her and not be sappy and sad all at once. That would of been way to hard.
Saying goodbye to the kiddo sucked. She’s still to young to get it. So I just told her that it was important for me to go so that I could prepare myself for my future with her. That I needed to take care of things and that as soon as she could, to come to Hok and I and that we would be ready for her.
I will miss watching her grow.

Being in New Orleans is great. And being with my sister is even better.
It was weird on the way down when I normally would think that the drive back sucks, thinking that there was no drive back. It was a one way trip. And being here and not being a tourist feels good. Now I get to be a part of what makes this place magical.
I like that.

It was great to have Lagera and Melissa with me. I think it made the transition a little easier. Thanks ladies.

Now I am here and now it begins. I start work on the 6th and can’t wait to get that going. I will work in the kennels for a month so I can learn the shelter’s ways before jumping into Animal Control. Which I am very thankful for. It is all a little intimidating and it will be nice to start off with something I am so comfortable with. Also, I know it’s monkey work but I love kennels. It will be nice to make relationships with animals again rather then like at the clinic, I have to say goodbye after the first day. I know I have said it before but I’ll say it again, I’m honored to be a part of LA-SPCA.

For the next month, I will work and find a new home. Hokmayen is still working hard at Southtown until July and then will move down here with the cat’s and all the stuff.
I’m very much looking forward to finding our new home, being with him and cuddling with the kitties. It has been 3 days and I already miss them dearly.
In the mean time I’m staying with the sister. I like that. Also, instead of the man in my house being Hok and/or Steenie, I have the Russian.
It’s been decided that instead of saying “Shut up” we will say “I love you” to keep a more positive  spin on our living together for the next 10 days before he leaves to visit his family.
I love the Russian very much.

I am very thankful for everything happening in my life. Thankful for a good family that takes me in when I need it. A great man willing to leave a good job in the name of adventure. A career, Cuzya (my sister’s cat who is a “no bullshitter” but gives in for the sake of my happiness.) And the fact that everything seems to be falling into place.

The Age of Aquarius seems to be no joke. Big things are happening for most people I know. A lot of change and even though its tough at first, we always know that it works out in the end. Take control and make it better then its ever been.

Hokdaddy, I am anxiously waiting your arrival. Slang that ink ya dooz and scoot ya tiny booty to the deep deep down for the next leg of our life together. Things just aren’t the same without you.

Coughing in your fish taco

Hok and I grilled up some tilapia and made fish tacos. God damn, we’re good. Well actually, the recipe my sister gave me from an amazing taco vendor that she works for is good. I can’t wait to be down in New Orleans and eat EVERYTHING. It pretty much was the selling point for me. I don’t think that I have had any food down there that wasn’t enjoyable. Come visit me. I’ll show ya.

I’ve been packing up a lot of the house. That way when Hokdaddy gets ready to come, most of the work will be done. It’s happening quite quickly. Already the house seems empty and I am trying to figure out what comes with me, what he brings and what we are getting rid of all together. We’re getting rid of a lot of things. That part of this feels really good. My new job feels really good. Leaving is starting to feel sad. As much as I can’t wait to get out of here and into some culture, I really am going to miss Arkansas. This place has been pretty damn good to me. I found my greatest love and made some of the bestest friends a girl could ever dream of. This state is beautiful with green trees and some of the best rivers I have ever been to. It’s a really good place to settle for most people. Unfortunately it just doesn’t have what Hok and I seem to be looking for.
And were only a days drive. So friends, start picking months cause I am already anxious to share the insanity of New Orleans with you.

Things seem to be going well for most people. The age of Aquarius seems to be bringing a lot of new beginnings. Whether or not we’re looking for them, it’s happening. Maybe it’s just the age that I am at but things are happening for my friends and I think that is really exciting. Everyone is growing up with their careers, families and educations. I’m so proud. Of course, if you are some fool doing the same ol boring bullshit, you probably aren’t my friend.
Go team Win!

My weekends are pretty much booked till I leave. There will be a Going away/Birthday pool party on Sunday, May 20th. Message me if you want to come. If you can’t and you want to see me before I go, I suggest giving me a holler. I can count the days on my fingers and toes.
Whoa. This shit is real y’all.

I shall leave you with this:


My sweet little shortcake, is oh so good to me.
She doesn’t go to fast though. She enjoys the scenery.
In front there’s a wicker basket so that we can transport beer.
And soon she’ll have a egg crate attached at the rear.
I ride her in the rain, I ride her in the snow.
Sometimes though the moonlit night.
And sometimes just for show.
She got a little makeover, a duct tape cheetah seat.
We ride so hard, we shoot so straight,
through out the city streets.

Jack and the Beanstalk

Like I had said before, I knew I was going to be too busy this last month to post. And I was. Working, shows, friends and travels had me all tied up. And cleaning. Lots of cleaning. Hokdaddy and I decided that if it wasn’t coming to New Orleans with us, we didn’t need it. It felt good to get rid off all that but most importantly Mama Jane gave me this big drawer system that I put all of my fabric into so now instead of having things in boxes and suitcases all around my desk, I have it all in one place out of sight. (NOT out of mind). But you don’t care about that. You care about boobs, booze, my new job and the adventure with my Bean, GIIIIIIIIINA!!!

Now I started writing this a while ago and didn’t finish it. In order to not have this be a million pages long, I’m going to go through it and just leave whats important. Because so much has happened, I have a lot to tell. So…

My sweet, sweet honey rented a car for us to have while the Bean was here. (Seriously, how fucking nice is that!?) She flew into Little Rock because she had found a very inexpensive deal that was just too good to pass up. Hokmayen and I drove and got her. Just as she has always been, so beautiful and shiny. I cried. Such happy tears. People even clapped for us because Gina and I have a way of letting everyone know when were excited. I’m sure it was obviously apparent that we were over due for a visit. It actually was the longest we have ever gone without seeing each other. A year and a half. Way too fucking long and that never will happen again.
As soon as we got home we immediately put on matching yellow dresses and tap shoes and danced around the house. Eventually we ended up just stomping around laughing and trying not to pee our pretty yellow dresses.
Here’s a picture.

Aren’t we cute? Can you see that happiness in our eye’s? I bet you can.
The next day we were anxious to get her aerial fabric’s up. Since we have a big tree in the back of the house, we called Adumb and he came to our rescue with a giant ladder, climbed up a 20 foot tree and hung it for us. What a guy. We decided since we had a day, we might as well throw together a duet to rock for the show. So we did. ‘Cause we just mind meld like that. I have video’s I need to upload onto youtube and then I’ll post a link. But it’s safe to say that we made it our bitch. We went over it like 10 times before we performed it. BOOYACASHA! Flawless. Like we bosses and stuff.
After she showed me her number, I bawled. Happy tears. Gina and I both started dancing after I moved away so I haven’t had a chance to see, in person, her play on the fabrics. Holy shit y’all. That bitch is gooooood. I was so proud of her, all I could do was cry. And for us to be able to perform at a show together was a dream come true.
We thanked Adam with dinner that night. And Zman came too. We all drank and did dangerous things. Like, me playing on a piece of fabric hanging from a tree.
The show was in Little Rock so I made my second trip up there in a week. Our other best friend, the oh so talented, OxiLox came with and I couldn’t have cared less about driving. I was just so happy to have us all together. It was magical.
Gina taught a workshop before the show and was a shiny little star. She is such a good teacher and I’m so happy that she has found her calling. We all had so much fun and it was great to see everyone so happy to get to play around on the aerial fabric. That shit worked muscles we didn’t even know existed. Gina is like the Hulk. But cuter. And smaller. And not so green.
The show was amazing and flawless. Big ass props to the Diamond Dames for a perfect show. They even let us stay at there house and we all stayed up way to late having way to much fun. We got up early and had a kick ass brunch before we took off. This drive back wasn’t as exciting with pre show adrenaline as the day before but Oxi stayed up with me and talked to me the whole time so I wouldn’t want to close my eyes till I got home.

But once we got home, I could smell Hoksghetti before I even opened the door. My Sweet man cooked and stocked up on booze for us on our arrival. Damn! I’m a lucky girl. We drank, watched videos, looked at pictures until the anticipated season finale of The Walking Dead. It was neat that we got to watch it with Gina because we can watched the show premier at her place and then we got to watch this one here. Oh, how sweet. So HOLY FUCKING SHIT MICHONNE! When we saw her standing there kicking ass like she always does, you would have thought we were watching the fucking super bowl and our team won or something. We got up screaming and dancing like crazy, rewound it, and did it again. Then repeat when they showed the prison. What a great way to end the season. I’m glad they didn’t leave us hanging.

The rest of the week was nice to finally get to relax and enjoy each other and not have to work on show stuff. I’ll leave it at that because her leaving sucked. Except for that we decided to have a “stay up all night party” the night before which was a terrible mistake she and I always seem to make. The drive to the airport sucked. It rained, that sucked. She was gone, that sucks. But most importantly, we had a great visit. As always. I like having her here because (no offense to my Cali friends and family) when I go home, it’s so hectic trying to catch up with everyone that I never get good solid one on one time with people. It’s always rushed. Moral to you Bay Area kids: Come see me.

Next off: As most of you know, Hok and I have been planning to move to New Orleans. I was sold the first time I went there and after getting Hokmayen there in October, he was too.
It just makes sense. With Hok being an artist and me working in animal rescue, we both can really take advantage in a place that thrives on that stuff. Hok can tattoo amongst other things and I have tons of options.
So I set of some interviews and Hok and I went down there, stayed with my sister and my Mama came out for her birthday. It was a short but sweet visit.

For those of you who are unaware, I have been working my ass for the the last 8 years in animal rescue and a couple Vet offices as well. Not trying to brag too much buuuuuut, my resume is pretty damn impressive at this point.
I got 2 job offers in the 3 days we were there. Not bad if I do say so myself. One was at a all feline practice. An absolutely stunning clinic on Magazine st. The vets were great and everything there was state of the art. Right next door there is a tattoo shop and behind that is a scooter shop. Hok and I plan on putting a flag in that block. Because holy shit; how could it get any better?
Oh yeah, I know. With the job that I am getting. ANIMAL CONTROL OFFICER FOR THE LOUISIANA SPCA. ALL CAPS!!!!
This job is a dream come true. I have wanted to be a A.C.O. for as long as I can remember. I always loved the idea of adventure, rescue AND animals all in one. Yes, I will be seeing some sad and frustrating situations but more of the reason for me to take that position. We need tough yet caring people to take on those situations and I feel like I am the perfect person to take on that role.
It’s also not the easiest job to land. Most folks that take it, keep it. Also, you need experience in the field as well as the smarts to show up in court, write tickets and do some heavy paper work.
Luckily for me, the position opened right as I was needing it to and I really hit it off with the woman who hired me. She said she was very impressed with my resume and application and hired me in the first 5 minutes of the interview.
The shelter is amazing. Katrina took down the one they used to be in so the ASPCA donated 3 million dollars for the new one. It’s state of the art, huge, and the staff is amazing.
I balled as I was leaving because I was so relieved to have all the blood, sweat and tears over these last years pay off. This is a great job with great benefits and with a great company. This is what I will be doing with the rest of my life. It’s quite an over whelming feeling. I’m very proud, a little nervous and extremely excited! Everyone has been so supportive and I really appreciate it, most of all from Hokmayen. He knows how special this is to me and I couldn’t do this without him.
I start June 6th and will try to be down a weekish before so to get settled. I will go and stay with my sister and then find a place. Hok and the kitties will join me the end of June/ beginning of July.
I will miss him so much but hopefully I will stay so busy it will help keep me occupied.
I’ll use my sister’s car but will have to get my own. The shelter is on the other side of the Mississippi and my scoot scoot wont be good for the highway and bridge. But I of course will only use it when necessary. Mopeds for life. Scoot or die.

So these next couple weeks are pretty crunch for me. I’m training two new people for my position at the clinic. (BIG UP’S SARA!) I have to pack and get in as much face time with friends before I leave. Especially Kreszin. It will be sad to leave that sweet little girl of mine. She has been such a big part of my life and it’s been so fun growing up with her.
She’s here right now. We’ve been watching Disney movies all day laying on the couch. She is good for cuddling. 7 total to be exact.

So I advise you to bug me to hang out if you’d like before I leave. You have a month. I leave June 1st. I will be kind of crazy pants but we also will be having a going away party. I’m thinking something Jazzercizey perhaps? We’ll see.
I’ll make sure to keep you posted on that.

This is a clever title.

My sweet lovers and friends. I say that because I’m %99.9 positive that no one else reads this. If they did they may be confused as to hear how Steenie rules the cotton world, I play with kitten fetus’s and how I enjoy taking my clothes off for people. Well, all of that and the whiskey I enjoy drinking may have one thinking that I may be a little insane. Am I? Am I saying this aloud? Do you ever catch yourself mouthing what your thinking in front of people? Then they think you were saying something to them but you don’t want to tell them because A) You thought it and didn’t say it for a reason. B) Maybe you’re crazy.
I’m getting off track.

GINA IS COMING! Did I say that in the last post? Because she is. Which basically makes this a suspenseful ass two weeks. EEEeeEEK! She’s flying into Little Rock on Wednesday, then we perform in Little Rock on Saturday, then she fly’s back out of Little Rock on the following Wednesday.  That’s a lot of driving. If anyone feels like volunteering for the ride to see her off it would be much appreciated. (WARNING! It will also be sad.) I’m going to rent a car for the beginning/showtime and to pick her up because that will be sacred and other than Hokmayen, we don’t want you there. No offense but its been a YEAR AND A FUCKING HALF since we have seen each other. And that is just way too long by best friend standards.  But other than that first day we love you and if you feel like helping, we like help.
So we will be guesting in Little Rock with the Diamond Dames monthly review at Juanitas for St. Patricks day. It’s going to be a blasty blast and these girls are extremely devoted to Burlesque so I promise you it will be a good time if you can check it out. If not… dumb. I mean, Gina and I rarely have a chance to perform on the same stage. Don’t miss it. I’ll be rocking the hoop and she will be flying in the air on her aerial.

That happens in 2 weeks. Other than that I am all clinic, Mudpuppy and dog walking. If I seem distant it’s cause I don’t have time for your ass. Don’t take it personally. Sandwich Control has a lot of new and exciting things coming up which will (hopefully) be giving me more time at Mudpuppy. The clinic is crazy full because of the time of year and the dogs I’m walking are as sweet as ever. And were doing more running then walking which gives me tons of energy to do things. And that feels good. I read a quote the other day. It said “I don’t exercise because I hate my body. I exercise because I love my body.” I’m trying to think about that a lot. It makes sense.

Yesterday was a clinic day. I love that job so much. As I have mentioned many times before. The thing about working with animals though is that when you have bad days, you have BAD DAYS. Yesterday was a BAD DAY. It was just one of those anything that can go wrong, will go wrong days. I don’t want to get into details for many reasons but lets just say that by the time I got home, I sat on the bed and cried until my honey came home and drew me a bath. (Yeah for real. He’s that sweet) So once I calmed down and started to make dinner, I got called back in to the clinic. Yeah. One of those days. And of course it was for a bullshit reason. People are so fucking stupid. If %50 of the people that I dealt with were as smart as their animals, my life would be much easier. Regardless though, I was happy I got called in for no reason then a big reason. Which is what I figured. We have little to no problems for the most part. Because yup, our vet is that good.

In other news for terrible yesterday, Jan Berenstain died. If you don’t know who that is, educate yourself. She and Stan had a lot to do with my up bringing. I love you Jan. And your morals were right on.

My favorite.

To top off my busy, I get to do it all with my new QT50. I love scoot scootin around and hot damn, is this the time of year to do it.

Also:
This
That
VARIETY!

 

Ring Ring Ring Ring!

This morning Hokmayen and I woke up with Steenie in between us. For some reason I thought about him making a phone call. Steenie. Not Hokmayen.
A very professional call. And if so, who would Steenie be making that phone call to? We tried to think about it for a while. Of course obvious things come up like, The President or Emperor of Tashirojima. (For those of you who don’t want to look at the long explanation, look at THIS) and in the end, we both decided that in reality, he would really only want to call Hok.
It would hurt my feelings but it’s just too gawd damn sweet.

I am not only back from a very long pause in this Blahg because I have things to say because, oh boy, do I. But, by what some folks may call a “popular demand”. That’s right. In the beginning it was like, “Great. Jac got a blauhg and now we can indulge her love for Steenie more.” Then you realized you love the Steen Life and that you were missing it so badly when it suddenly wasn’t there.
Well don’t worry. There is plenty of Steenie to go around but first, in other news:

I have been one busy bee. Between Spay and Neuter, Mudpuppy Studios and Burlesquing, this blauhg wasn’t really a priority. Any free time I have had was early in the morning after costuming all night with Shannon and working all day. We of course used that time playing Super Mario Bros. on the Wii. Duh.

Hok and I even forgot about Valentines Day. Which is no big deal but I like to be romantic and do a little something. And he is the most romantic guy I could ever dream of in the sweetest ways but once we both realized how we both fucked up it didn’t really matter. Besides, everyday is Valentines day in this house. So here you go Honey Dumplin, Happy Valensteen’s Day.

Speaking of which earlier, I would like to take a moment to give Shannon a GIANT, public THANK YOU. Without Shannon, I would be lost. She takes time out of her insanely busy schedule to lend me her very talented hand. Helping me with costuming, hair, makeup, confidence, and support, she is the best behind the scenes burlesquer I bet there ever was .
Go Team Friends forever!
A week ago I performed in Hot Springs with the Spa City Sweethearts put on by Ruby Lead from the Foul Play Cabaret. The name is no lie cause these girls were in fact, sweethearts. Everyone had something new to bring to the table and the stage was full of beautiful, talented girls. My hats off to all the ladies.
I performed to John C. Riley’s “Mr. Cellophane“. I did sad clown. It was a success. It was a good number for me to do. Did I mention my costume kicked ass? Homemade Bustle, Bra and Top hat and eurrythang. Booyakasha.

I’ve gotten more hours up at Mudpuppy which is nice. It’s really hard man work but I think of my mama, buck up and power through it. It’s good for me and I enjoy being there though, so I try not to complain about my sore body at the end of the day too much. Plus I have good company. I have a blasty blast with that crazy kid over at Sandwich Control, Peter and an occasional Zach. They say I’m a scientist when I’m there. You here that mom? A Scientist.  I mix things like Lithium , Chrome, Manganese, Titanium and other words. Chemistry stuff ya know? I also use power tools. I could never do that stuff at home.  Oh also, Barium. You know why they call it barium? Because when people handle it to closely, you have to bury em’. HAHA. Get it? If not, your dumb. Adam tried to get me to smell it. He also throws his farts in my face so I didn’t want to trust him but my curiosity got the best of me. It smelt like nothing.  Barium. Hmph. More like Borium.

Last(ish) and we all know (obviously with the “ish”) not the least, SPAY AND NEUTER. The clinic is banging! We’ve been doing 50+ animals a day and are booked for all of March. Dr. Feliciano has been kicking ass all while being pregnant. Go Doc.
Keep in mind folks, spring is among us early this year and it is the season for breedin. Make sure to get your pets fixed and keep up with vaccinations, heartworms, ticks and fleas and other gross parasites. I fucking hate parasites. Get your own shit. It’s going to be bad around here seeing as we had a relatively mild winter and I’m assuming the rest of the country as well.
We offer all that stuff at a affordable price . 479.652.0580

Next up in store for me is GINA! Best friend stuff. No big deal. HUGE DEAL! She will be here for a week during St. Patrick’s day and that night we fiiiiiinnnaaly will get to perform on the same stage together. HURRAY! The show will be in Little Rock at Juanita’s with the Diamond Dames so if you didn’t have plans, now you do. And if you did, cancel them and make these the new plans.
Other than the show, my plans with the Bean are to drink, lie in bed, laugh, dance and play dress up. A week is not enough time.

I don’t mean to ignore the Blauhg. And it’s nice to see that even though it’s been so long, my site has not gone one day without being looked at. So thanks friends. You guys sure are swell.

The Blauhg isn’t the only thing getting ignored though. Poor Steenie, Shady Lane and Will-O-Wisp. No one loves them. Whats silly though is that Steenie will just not stand for that. He actually fought my commands and forced himself upon me as I was sewing clips onto hair the night before the show. He laid under the hair as I stitched and did not once even show any interest in trying to play with either the hair or the thread. He just needed love that bad. Poor little guy. He has had a lot to say today. We were also gone this last weekend and then worked all day and I guess he is making a point. I hear him loud and clear though and he currently is snuggled up right next to me right now. Sweet little Feenum.

I guess this is good enough for now. I’m sure most of you just scanned the last couple paragraphs for key words anyways. But at least you did that. So I love you.
I promise to try not to wait so long before the next entry. I said try.

Hi. I’m Jac. And I am an over eatter.

Maybe if I say it aloud blauhging, it will help. Maybe the humiliation will force me to make a difference. Maybe I will finally be able to take control of my life once again.  My weight has always fluctuated easily, which at times is nice. Really, really nice. Unfortunately I am not in one of those times right now. Two years ago I was in the best shape I have ever been in. (Most likely because I was doing this everyday for 4 hours) Last year wasn’t bad. I was gaining weight but it hadn’t gotten out of control. Over these last couple months I go through spurts where I really pull it together, I’ll lose about ten pounds in two weeks and then one thing or another will happen and I will fall off track.
Granted I think I am more happy and comfortable with my life then I have ever been. Well, in a sense. I guess I can’t brag too much if I am unhappy about how I feel with my body but that also seems to be the way it goes. You get happy, comfortable and fat. That must be why they say you can’t win them all. But fuck that. I want to be a winner. WINNER!
I like food. No screw that, I LOVE food. A lot. I was raised in the kitchen and food has always been important to me. Why am I taking advantage of it? I need to respect it more. Enjoy it. Savor it. And do the exact same thing with my body. If I can just get going, it will be nothing. Like I said before, I fluctuate easily so I can get it great shape if I just apply myself. It’s getting to that point right now that I’m having trouble with.

Thank god I carry my weight well. I get majority of it in the booty and the rest is evenly disbursed. It’s just a little too even. I have a couple things up my sleeves and I’m hoping that since I am broadcasting it to the world of internet’s that it will help motivate me. Otherwise when you see/hear/think of me I wont think that you’re thinking “Geez, look at Jac, she sure did let herself go. Remember when she said she wanted to lose weight? Why is she gaining more? Fat.”
Okay, I know none of you will think that, since we are all friends here and I have nice friends but still, you get the point.

Today the kid came over. She was so boring. We normally have action packed days now that I don’t see her all the time, but she didn’t want to do nothing but sit around and watch cartoons. I can’t blame her really. It’s Saturday and they don’t call them Saturday Cartoons for no reason. But I had been aching for some Mario Kart and she was done after two rounds. She’s normally bugging me about cooking and baking, I did both today and she didn’t want to help. She didn’t even want a cookie. What the hell? It was all very unlike her but I require my lazy days so I guess she wanted one too. I was happy to give it to her. It’s nice to just lay and cuddle with her anyways.

THREE BEST FRIENDS

Although I didn’t get as much cuddle time in as I wanted because I spent a lot of the day in the kitchen. Dishes, getting dinner ready, dishes, cookies, dishes, eat, dishes. It was a good day. I made this Lasagna Soup in a crock pot that turned out pretty nice and then I baked Snickerdoodle Cookies. Those didn’t turn out too nice. I’m not much of a baker which is sad because I sure wish I was. But nothing ever seems to work out the way that I want it to. I think that I go wrong with the directions. I don’t really like them. And I know that it’s very important to do everything just right with baking and I’m sure I do not. That’s okay. The cookies aren’t bad. they just aren’t perfect. Oh well.

Last night was our last night with Darkwombat so it was then or never to play Pathfinder. (a D&Dish game) I had a blasty blast. Kind of confused and I’m really bad with dice but I loved every minute. I can’t wait for him to come back because for those of you who don’t know, you need a Dungeon Master/Game Master to guide the game and play all non player characters. Since we don’t know the game that well we can’t do it alone. Bummer. But at least that will save you guys from reading/skimming over my rants about the game. Thank Darkwombat for that. Thank Japan.

I got “World War Z” in the mail today. I’m very excited about reading it and hope that it’s good. I’m aching for a good book right now. The kind that I don’t put down till I fall asleep mid sentence then dream about.
Which reminds me of “The Walking Dead”. I need to quit reading the issues and just wait for the volumes. I went and got the new one yesterday thinking I’d have a couple pages of surprise left. No. I ruined it all with my lack of patience. Man, I reeeeally do need some self control.

After we left Holiday Island last night we got the new Scoot Scoot home. She is so cute you guys. I’ll get some pictures of her with the family tomorrow and post them. Hok showed me a little about working on her and I can’t wait. Not to mention, RIDE! The weather has been so nice for such a thing. It get’s me all excited for spring time. Hurray global warming.

I’ll leave you with these interesting things I found from Yahoo.news.
They have the worst and best news and I am so addicted to it.
Yesterday I read an article about a Gym that used a picture of Auschwitz and the quote was something about killing calories. Shit, I want to lose weight but that’s pretty fucked up.
So I’ll leave you with these. They are just as bad.